John Kerry yesterday clarified his debate gaffe about America needing to "pass the global test" before acting militarily in self-defense. Here is what he said, according to CNN:
"I can do a better job of protecting America's security because the test that I was talking about was a test of legitimacy, not just in the globe, but elsewhere."
Elsewhere? Maybe Kerry is angling for the endorsement of the Weekly World News space alien, who seems to have last weighed in on American politics in May 2001:
The mysterious space alien whose endorsement of George W. Bush helped him win the election has issued a candid assessment of Bush's first 150 days in office--and he gives our new commander in chief a humiliating D-minus!
The E.T. says that President Bush has already made a series of catastrophic blunders that "threaten the long-term survival of the human species" and warns that if he keeps going the way he has been, his presidency will spell disaster for "not only the United States and the planet Earth, but possibly the entire galaxy as well."
Among the space alien's specific complaints is Bush's decision to withdraw America's signature on the Kyoto accords.
Now, we're not sure we believe this; the Weekly World News has a reputation for publishing stories that are both fake and inaccurate. For example, the latest issue claims that Laura Bush is supporting Kerry for president. It "quotes" the first lady: "I'm voting for John Kerry for President because sooner or later, when it becomes politically expedient, he shares my views on everything. He's not hard-headed like my husband. And he's not always saying, 'I answer to a Higher Power! It is the Lord's will!' when I fuss at him for forgetting to put the toilet seat down, either."
It turns out the paper doesn't even claim Mrs. Bush said these things. Rather, the quotes are provided by a "psychic" who claims to have read the first lady's mind. Well, whatever. But the Laura Bush "story" does suggest one more reason for Kerry's new interplanetary test: Perhaps he heard he was slipping with female voters and someone told him women are from Venus.
The idea of GWB replying "I answer to a Higher Power!" when Laura fusses at him about not putting the toilet seat up is a hoot and a half!
And if there are space aliens, would they please beam Kerry up now, before he drives us all to drink!
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